Baby Lewis Dos Update

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I’m sorry for the lack of updates here y’all. To be truthful, these last two months have been some of the hardest and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it. Especially because it felt like that’s all I was doing. I was so sick of me.

If you have been following me on my Facebook page then you know when Little Bit (that’s the name we called him) was three weeks, we meet up with birth mom to give him back. But after meeting with her and her seeing him and holding him she just wasn’t ready. So, we came back home with Little Bit. But for how much longer we didn’t know. And we were quickly falling head over heals for him.

That’s when I went off the grid and started to really isolate myself here and within my circle of friends. I just didn’t know what God was doing and it was so hard.

I was at that place where I had to live day to day and chose to believe what I knew was true not what I was actually feeling. Man y’all, my head and my heart were so at war with each other. Every day I was holding this sweet little baby and he wasn’t mine.

I had prayed for him for so long. Here he was. In my arms. But not mine.

It felt like a cruel joke.

Then this past Tuesday something happened. I had just finished feeding Little Bit and was watching him stare at the angel wings (which he does a lot. One day he will know they were painted for him as I prayed for angels to protect over him). And instead of that scripture from Psalm 91 that was constantly on my heart for him, Jeremiah 29:11 immediately came to my mind.

It was one of those precious moments that you’ll always remember, ya know? It was as if I heard God respond to my question , “What are you doing here God?” And he said, “I know the plans I have for him Melissa. And they are good plans. Trust my plans. Trust me.”

Right after that moment our case worker called and was urgent that we have a phone call with the lady who runs the agency that afternoon. My mind went to the worst place it could go but I kept hearing what God had just said to me. Finally, late that afternoon we got the news that birth mom had called and asked to come in that Thursday to sign over her rights.

She wanted us to adopt Little Bit!

This was good news. Amazing news. But we had heard it a few times already so we couldn’t get our hopes up again until the papers were signed.

This past Thursday morning FINALLY got here and starting at 11 am our caseworker was texting us a play by play.

“She’s on her way”. “She’s still not here.” “She just got here and is reading over the papers.” “She signed them. It’s done!”

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Little B, Little Bit and I had been out that afternoon and were eating lunch at McDonalds (don’t start judging me now) with our close friend Mandy. I’m so grateful she was there when we got that one final text and she was able to capture that moment!

We are now beginning the adoption process for Little Bit. He is ours! Little B is finally a big brother! Baby Lewis Dos is here to stay!

Thank you for all of your continued prayers. You will never now how much we truly needed them and I have no doubt they are what helped me get through these last two months. We are so grateful!

This Thanksgiving takes on a whole new meaning for me as I have walked this road and God has continued to walk by my side, more often then not, carrying me along the way.

We are grateful!

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it just got real

The realness of adoption.  Loving a baby you haven't met and the risk's that come along with it.  But it's all worth it.  It's as though your faith is being proved in the fire!

(waiting to be fingerprinted for approval to foster and adopt)

I’m just gonna tell (warn) you now, this might be all over the place.  This isn’t one of those well thought out post.  I haven’t sent it off to someone to proof or give to my husband to see if it makes sense or if it’s just plain dumb.

This is just me.  All me.

We are in the final week(s) of waiting for Baby Girl.  We were told she was due around the first week of September.

Here we are.  September 1.  Labor Day. Hah.

If you read my last post on our adoption journey, you know that once August hit, I haven’t been sleeping well.  We were also told they suspected birth mom would go into labor early for several reasons.  So the waiting game has really been in high gear for me since August.

But it’s now September.  I woke up yesterday and today the same.  Still dark outside.  The house quiet.  My heart heavier then I’ve ever felt.  I woke up with the feeling that I’m crying.  Not because I “just know” something.  I know how some people get that feeling and they just know.  I have been there before myself.  But this is because I DON’T KNOW anything.  I don’t know if birth mom has changed her mind.  I don’t know if she has had Baby Girl already.  I don’t know if she is just chillin’ on the streets somewhere in Houston waiting for labor pains to come on and then give us a call.  I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING!

I just know there is a Baby Girl.  I know she is due around now.  I know that I have given a piece of my heart to her.

You see, when you foster (and even when you adopt too – but it’s not as talked about because you aren’t planning or even thinking really that you will give them back even though it’s a risk for a while) you are told that these kids NEED your love.  They haven’t had a stable, constant, unconditional love in their life.  And that is what they need the most.  So when you go into Foster Care, you are told that part of that includes loving this child without holding back knowing you may not have this child forever.

I get that now.  Really get it.

I have tried, really I have, to guard my heart since we got the phone call  June 1st.  I’ve been through this now three times.  The first one, we lost a baby girl the week that she was due.

The second… well , the second was evidence that we could all see here on earth that God is God and is faithful in His promises and that NOTHING is impossible for Him! We are now a family of three!  Amen!

Here we are now.  Number three.  Where do I go with this?  I tried not to get my hopes up BUT I also want to have complete faith.

Apparently Faith is my thing too!  It’s what I’m good it.  It’s what my “spiritual gift” is.

And here I thought I had already learned so much.  Had already been refined.

He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ. ~ Phil 1:6

Yes.  Yes this is definitely true.  As I woke up this morning with my heart feeling like it was aching, I had a picture of something like gold being held in the fire. This is a picture of our faith.  Our faith is like silver & gold.  But gold has to be held to the fire to be refined before it is perfected and useful.  If you attend church somewhere I’m sure this isn’t new news to you. You’ve heard many times from your pastor how your faith will be tested in the fire.

If you don’t go to a church maybe you haven’t heard it put that way.  Maybe you’ve felt it but didn’t quite know what it was.

These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold–though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. ~1 Peter 1:7

Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it’s your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory. ~1 Peter 1:7 (The Message)

For you, God, tested us; you refined us like silver. ~Psalm 66:10

I don’t know what the outcome of this will be.  I don’t know if she will call us or if she has changed her mind.

I know I love this Baby Girl completely already.  Just like when my sister was pregnant with my two nieces.  I prayed for them and didn’t realize how much I loved them already until I saw their faces for the first time.

It was that way with the first little girl we lost.  It was that way with Little B!  And it’s the same now.

Maybe this won’t work.  I will be heart-broken.

For a while.

But God will still be God and He will still have good planned for me.  His promise is still true.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow
    come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
    without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
    so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
    It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
    and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You will go out in joy
    and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
    will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
    will clap their hands.

Instead of the thorn bush will grow the juniper,
    and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
    for an everlasting sign,
    that will endure forever. ” ~Isaiah 55: 8-13

Would you please pray for us?  Pray for Baby Girl and Birth mom?  I won’t ever be able to tell you how much it means to us!  But your prayers are priceless and we need them.

You know, writing this all out, my most messiest of thoughts and emotions, is not easy to do.  I battle here with my mind telling me it’s silly and my heart knowing how others sharing their stories is what may help encourage and inspire someone else. I was reminded about that recently by someone I know who reads this small little space on the www.  It’s incredibly humbling!  I just want you to know I appreciate all the time you spend here reading my words.

More on our Adoption Journey

More on our Infertility Journey

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how he defines himself

Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. ~Brennan Manning

Just Melissa: How He Defines Himself
You. Guys. This just got real! What happened?  Where does the time go?  I know a lot of you reading this have little one’s in school.  Several just sent there’s off for the first time.  Can I just tell you… oh my stars!  There really aren’t words to describe it is there?  You mom’s know. That’s your baby!  That’s my baby I just sent out into the BIG REAL WORLD all by himself. We struggled (well I struggled really) all summer with whether to wait one more year.  With a July birthday, he will be the youngest.  I’ve gotten lots of advice from wise people I respect.  Some say hold him off.  Boys mature slower and waiting one more year will be better.  Some said to go ahead, it will be great for him.  He is so smart he will love it. I prayed, prayed hard.  Bart knew my issue was really more of a letting go issue and not really an issue of having peace about the decision.  I came to terms with that myself.

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So…we now have a Kindergartner!  Ah, did I just say that? I know this sounds silly, but really y’all.  Wasn’t this just yesterday?

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Look at that sweet boy walking to preschool for the first time.  That little Buzz backpack was bigger then he was. But you know, he is so excited.  And I am really excited for him.  We love his teacher!  I have such a tremendous LOVE for teachers now that I have a child of my own in their care all week. School really is a big deal.  They learn so much.  They grow so much.  But my prayer for Little B is that he learns and grows and remembers what life is really about.  I want him to know that being respectful and obeying is important.  I want him to know that working hard is important. But above all, it’s who you are that matters.  Bart and I care less about straight A’s and more about how he see’s himself and the influence he goes on to make.  We care more about him discovering God’s love for him and that God has a plan for him and less about him measuring up to the world’s version of success.  We pray that as Brennan leaves the shelter of our home and enters the world, that he is a light!  We are the primary influence in his life, the school is there to assist us in his learning.

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So I don’t have to be scared.  I don’t have to worry.  God will protect him.  He will guide us as parents just as he will guide Brennan’s steps. I don’t believe it starts when they are older.  I believe it starts know. As Brennan was walking to his classroom yesterday, I asked him if he remembered the song he learned and performed last year in Preschool.  ” Of Course!” he said.

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young.  Be an example for believers.”

This is who we are.  This is my prayer for him each day as he enters those doors.  Well, and that he has fun!

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I don’t really see that being a problem though!

Creativity kits for kids!

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